Subject: Melody Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a harmonious friend, Melody, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old she was, since her birth records were long ago lost in euphonious red tape. She will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to leap and when to step; - Why repetition should be indulged-in sparingly; - The importance of shape; - And just maybe it should be singable. Melody lived by simple, sound tuneful policies (don't sing or play out of tune) and reliable strategies (emotion not loudness is in charge). Her health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing performers became popular. TV stars like Christina Aguilera and Lady Giga hastened the demise ; teens downloading Hip-Hop and Rap on their I-Phones quickened the pace toward melodic degeneracy
; and the loss of music programs in public schools, only worsened her condition.
Melody lost ground when parents attacked music teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in monitoring what music their children consumed. Melody lost the will to live as the churches began to pander to so-called “contemporary services”; and rappers received more accolades than singers. Melody took a beating when you couldn't find any decent shaped melodic structures in serious attempts at classical music. Melody finally gave up the will to live, after a month of news concerning the escapades of Miley Cryus ,that was forced on the public media. She touched herself in areas that were not melodious and established a un-lyrical, myopic action, twerking, that dealt the final blow.
Melody was preceded in death, -by her parents, Counterpoint and Refrain, -by her husband, Theme, -by her daughter, Aria, -and by her son, Dulcet. She is survived by her five stepbrothers; - “Pitchy” - “Glitzy” - “Light Show” - “Sexy” - “Loud and Out-Of_Tune”.
Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone.